Depression and the Stay-at-home Mom

I was reading an article earlier today on SAHM being depressed. I could relate because, well, I'm a SAHM and I am often depressed. I am depressed by the condition of my house, the behavior of my children, my lack of friendships, the size of my bank account, the cold weather, the long hours my husband is gone, the inability to go anywhere without four others tagging along, etc. I often joke about these things, but in reality it is no joke. It is not something that is fleeting. It is beginning to take a stronger foothold and it scares me.

I find myself crying for no reason, eating more and working out less, having thoughts about my uselessness, and so forth. It could get dangerous here. I know what I need, I just don't know how to get it. I really need a break. I know it is funny, the last time I wrote I had just had a break. But if you didn't catch the dates on the posts, it was from 4 months ago. I think I'm due again. And really I am not looking for a weekend here or there, I think I need something more regular and more often. Maybe two days a week getting a sitter for a few hours. Oh, but that costs money. Thus here I sit. No money, no break.

Mommy's Break

I left last Friday at 9:30am for a girls weekend at the trailer "up North". I went with my sister -in- law, mother-in-law, her sister and her niece. We met another sister-in-law-to-be up there (she lives in the area). I think it goes without saying that we had an excellent time. We were in Warrens at Cranberry Fest were we shopped and ate, ate and shopped and in the evening drank wine and relaxed. My kind of weekend.

Now the only problem with this kind of weekend is the return home. Don't get me wrong, I love my children and husband, and I missed them terribly. However, I didn't miss the dishes (we ate out all weekend!), the laundry, the dirty floors, the kids school work, etc. My husband is great, he did clean up after himself and the house was in pretty decent order. But we were two days behind in school work ( I home school the kiddos). For some reason I can not get myself back in gear. It is Thursday, I've been home since Monday afternoon, and we have gotten even further from catching up on schoolwork.

Yesterday I was ready to march the kids across the street and sign them up for the public school. I couldn't do it any more. I couldn't handle the back log of school assignments, the whining, the ...oh everything. And to top it off the house was in disarray and when it is like that, my mind is in disarray!

It's only by the grace of God that I am here this morning ready to tackle another day. In prayer this morning I was reminded of why I am homeschooling my children, and that is more important then a clean home and assignments done "on time". It is being able to train my children in the way they should go, instill right thinking and a right worldview for them to explore the world through. They can't get that in a "real" school. They are so concerned with keeping everything PC and religious free that I don't think really education is happening at all, instead it is only indoctrination.

This mommy is glad to be home, thankful for the break, and is cutting herself some slack for the disarray around her. The disarray is not eternal, but the hearts and minds of my children are...